Money has always been such a sensitive topic for me, even nung bata palang ako. Sobrang gets ko yung line na, bata ka palang, you've been exposed to scarcity, tapos yung guilt that comes with having your parents buy something for you. Sobrang gets, ate. Kaya kapag kayang kunin sa savings o allowance, hindi ko na lang hinihingi sa parents ko. This article made me so uncomfortable (in a good way), kasi I never really like... dealing with my feelings when it comes to money, kasi I swore to myself na I wouldn't be the type of person who stresses about money. Pero as much as I want to be a person with a growth mindset (what I spend will come back triple to me), parang para saakin, napaka-reckless kong tao kung ganun yung iaadapt kong mindset. Anyway, sana makarating tayo sa point na pakakawalan na natin yung scarcity mindset natin at papalitan ng security mindset. Loved this article, ate! You put into words the article that I refuse to write :') Hugs hugs hugs!
Alam mo ang hirap i-explain nito. Pag dating sa pera. Katulad ng sinabi mo na paulit-ulit nilang pinamulat sayong naghihirap kayo or nagkukulang. That’s why it feels so wrong na manghingi, but feels so unfair dahil may evidence na hindi totoo. Or hindi rin sila marunong humawak nang pera.
Somehow, in our subconscious mind na instill na “hindi ko deserve ang pera” or may kaakibat na negative emotions yung pera, such as guilt, shame and pain. This might be the reason most of us spend the money as fast as we can or keep it untouched.
Both are form of survival magkaiba lang ang effects.
I hope the new generation of adults help kids understand na hindi nila burden ang pera o kahit ang relationship dilemma ng magulang nila. Para bang ang dating sa bata, “Kasalanan mo kaya naghihirap tayo.”
Leche sino ba kasing mag-aanak ng walang pambuhay? Tapos ipapabuhat sa anak yung sama ng loob?
Being the Ate and also a breadwinner i can relate also. Super guilty sa part na kapag sa sarili we will be choosing yung pinakamura pero kapag sa kanila you will just gonna ask gusto mo yan ?
“Sige orderin mo na ako magbabayad.”
“Magsabi kayo kung anong kailangan ha ?”
“Ano gusto niyo ? Gusto niyo pasalubong ? “
While me telling to myself meron pa naman ako sunod na lang. hindi ko naman madalas gagamitin okay pa to. Gusto ko niyan! Pero igagaslight ko sarili ko di mo naman kailangan niyan. Ngayon mas naappreciate ko yung bagay na nakakapagprovide ako sa family ko kaysa sarili ko. Babawi na lang ulit si Ate kay self :)
this is beautifully written, and i wonder, for someone like you—and for people u ever treat with ur hard earned money, do u feel the need to be reciprocated? or is it's become a source of happiness to u to share joy with others that u dont mind them paying back?
you're completely right also, one day i hope u get to unlearn the sad part of ur past that made u who u are today. it's okay to treat yourself and i know one day, you'll be able to do that without carrying that guilt .. and grief.
I wasn't born with a poor family but along the way I began to notice some changes and that's when I finally stepped inside the door to scarcity. And my family weren't the type of poor you could be sad about but rather ashamed. There was a time where I peeked through my parents' phone once and all I saw were countless messages of them asking for money with different reasons because they refuse to acknowledge how much money we've wasted. I wondered how this would all go and I was right to expect the immense pile up.
As of the moment I have about 5 payments in school, I am getting by selling most things I own and It dreads me to keep losing and losing each and everything. I grieve the things I cannot keep and I disregard the things I want. I look at others with little to nothing financial issues with a certain envy and dejection—why am I misfortunate in terms of money? I wouldn't mind being financially stable even if it meant my family would dislike one another. Yes, I'm grateful but there are things that I would prefer under the rise of capitalism...
Maybe these feelings of guilt and shame were built by the torment we endured. All I think about when I get a penny is to either pay my own personal payments or the bills my parents often delay. Additionally or so I would often think about selling everything I own with a commendable price, oftentimes I am left lost looking for money in each crevice. Cause if my family is ashamed then how much embarrassment do I feel?
This hits me deeper than i thought it would be. Being the kuya and the breadwinner is not easy, sometimes i just smile then move on, iniisip ko nalang na at least they will not be experiencing the life i’ve had before haha pero, hayss..
Your line about being a “walking calculator” really stayed with me. It captures how scarcity can turn even ordinary care into invisible financial labor, long after the numbers improve. I hope you get to spend on yourself with the same generosity you give everyone else.
i just downloaded this app because it catches my interest. the first thing i saw is this. GIRL IM CRYING MY EYES OUT.
im the bunso and i cant help but to feel guilty everytimena manghihingi for school purposes. dati akala ko normal lang, ngayong nasa 2nd year college na ako, narealize ko that ot wasn’t normal. natatakot ako gumastos para sa sarili ko, kahit online shopping hahanap muna ako sandamakmak na discount. after everything, magguilty pa tin ako at the end of the day. i love my parents, i rlly do. pero sometimes winiwish ko na sana hindi ko kailangan maging financially aware at a young age.
always telling myself na, "cheap is better than nothing.. cause at least cheap costs something instead of having nothing." i have forced myself to be frugal even if alam ko sa sarili ko na whenever i have money, igagasto at igagastos ko. "ang gastador mo," they say, and it's just me wanting to buy a decent amd fulfilling snack kasi gutom ako (way back elementary). because of that, feel ko ang burden ko whenever i ask for money. to the point na nahihiya na akong humingi sa parents ko kahit na kailangan na kailangan ko na talaga. and for once, now that i'm also growing up.. i'm wishing na sana hindi nalang din ako mag settle for cheap options na. sana i'll have this courage na rin to spend my money na hindi inaalala kung sinasayang ko lang ba ito kahit na para sa sarili ko naman. and sana, sana hindi na ako takot mag waldas na walang inaalala pang iba kundi ang sarili ko lang. gusto ko ring maging selfish eh with money haha, pero selfish ba talaga ako kung ang iniisip ko lang din naman ay ang sariling kapakanan ko?
money can provide us many choices and options on how we will spend it, not just on the labels and values of things that we ought to buy and attain—but also in order on how we will spend it wisely in order survive and to live with it.
Hello! As an eldest child I relate to this! You might want to read my piece about it, I think you can relate also. And I just want you to know that sometimes it's okay to put yourself first.
Money has always been such a sensitive topic for me, even nung bata palang ako. Sobrang gets ko yung line na, bata ka palang, you've been exposed to scarcity, tapos yung guilt that comes with having your parents buy something for you. Sobrang gets, ate. Kaya kapag kayang kunin sa savings o allowance, hindi ko na lang hinihingi sa parents ko. This article made me so uncomfortable (in a good way), kasi I never really like... dealing with my feelings when it comes to money, kasi I swore to myself na I wouldn't be the type of person who stresses about money. Pero as much as I want to be a person with a growth mindset (what I spend will come back triple to me), parang para saakin, napaka-reckless kong tao kung ganun yung iaadapt kong mindset. Anyway, sana makarating tayo sa point na pakakawalan na natin yung scarcity mindset natin at papalitan ng security mindset. Loved this article, ate! You put into words the article that I refuse to write :') Hugs hugs hugs!
Guilt is the price we pay for being privileged.
Alam mo ang hirap i-explain nito. Pag dating sa pera. Katulad ng sinabi mo na paulit-ulit nilang pinamulat sayong naghihirap kayo or nagkukulang. That’s why it feels so wrong na manghingi, but feels so unfair dahil may evidence na hindi totoo. Or hindi rin sila marunong humawak nang pera.
Somehow, in our subconscious mind na instill na “hindi ko deserve ang pera” or may kaakibat na negative emotions yung pera, such as guilt, shame and pain. This might be the reason most of us spend the money as fast as we can or keep it untouched.
Both are form of survival magkaiba lang ang effects.
I hope the new generation of adults help kids understand na hindi nila burden ang pera o kahit ang relationship dilemma ng magulang nila. Para bang ang dating sa bata, “Kasalanan mo kaya naghihirap tayo.”
Leche sino ba kasing mag-aanak ng walang pambuhay? Tapos ipapabuhat sa anak yung sama ng loob?
Being the Ate and also a breadwinner i can relate also. Super guilty sa part na kapag sa sarili we will be choosing yung pinakamura pero kapag sa kanila you will just gonna ask gusto mo yan ?
“Sige orderin mo na ako magbabayad.”
“Magsabi kayo kung anong kailangan ha ?”
“Ano gusto niyo ? Gusto niyo pasalubong ? “
While me telling to myself meron pa naman ako sunod na lang. hindi ko naman madalas gagamitin okay pa to. Gusto ko niyan! Pero igagaslight ko sarili ko di mo naman kailangan niyan. Ngayon mas naappreciate ko yung bagay na nakakapagprovide ako sa family ko kaysa sarili ko. Babawi na lang ulit si Ate kay self :)
this is beautifully written, and i wonder, for someone like you—and for people u ever treat with ur hard earned money, do u feel the need to be reciprocated? or is it's become a source of happiness to u to share joy with others that u dont mind them paying back?
you're completely right also, one day i hope u get to unlearn the sad part of ur past that made u who u are today. it's okay to treat yourself and i know one day, you'll be able to do that without carrying that guilt .. and grief.
I wasn't born with a poor family but along the way I began to notice some changes and that's when I finally stepped inside the door to scarcity. And my family weren't the type of poor you could be sad about but rather ashamed. There was a time where I peeked through my parents' phone once and all I saw were countless messages of them asking for money with different reasons because they refuse to acknowledge how much money we've wasted. I wondered how this would all go and I was right to expect the immense pile up.
As of the moment I have about 5 payments in school, I am getting by selling most things I own and It dreads me to keep losing and losing each and everything. I grieve the things I cannot keep and I disregard the things I want. I look at others with little to nothing financial issues with a certain envy and dejection—why am I misfortunate in terms of money? I wouldn't mind being financially stable even if it meant my family would dislike one another. Yes, I'm grateful but there are things that I would prefer under the rise of capitalism...
Maybe these feelings of guilt and shame were built by the torment we endured. All I think about when I get a penny is to either pay my own personal payments or the bills my parents often delay. Additionally or so I would often think about selling everything I own with a commendable price, oftentimes I am left lost looking for money in each crevice. Cause if my family is ashamed then how much embarrassment do I feel?
this is beautiful
This hits me deeper than i thought it would be. Being the kuya and the breadwinner is not easy, sometimes i just smile then move on, iniisip ko nalang na at least they will not be experiencing the life i’ve had before haha pero, hayss..
hug with consent OP! i feel u. now you can heal your inner child.
Your line about being a “walking calculator” really stayed with me. It captures how scarcity can turn even ordinary care into invisible financial labor, long after the numbers improve. I hope you get to spend on yourself with the same generosity you give everyone else.
i just downloaded this app because it catches my interest. the first thing i saw is this. GIRL IM CRYING MY EYES OUT.
im the bunso and i cant help but to feel guilty everytimena manghihingi for school purposes. dati akala ko normal lang, ngayong nasa 2nd year college na ako, narealize ko that ot wasn’t normal. natatakot ako gumastos para sa sarili ko, kahit online shopping hahanap muna ako sandamakmak na discount. after everything, magguilty pa tin ako at the end of the day. i love my parents, i rlly do. pero sometimes winiwish ko na sana hindi ko kailangan maging financially aware at a young age.
this and being the eldest :’)))
Growing up as a financially aware child was a curse for me bcs I also grew up thinking I don't deserve the best or anything at all.
always telling myself na, "cheap is better than nothing.. cause at least cheap costs something instead of having nothing." i have forced myself to be frugal even if alam ko sa sarili ko na whenever i have money, igagasto at igagastos ko. "ang gastador mo," they say, and it's just me wanting to buy a decent amd fulfilling snack kasi gutom ako (way back elementary). because of that, feel ko ang burden ko whenever i ask for money. to the point na nahihiya na akong humingi sa parents ko kahit na kailangan na kailangan ko na talaga. and for once, now that i'm also growing up.. i'm wishing na sana hindi nalang din ako mag settle for cheap options na. sana i'll have this courage na rin to spend my money na hindi inaalala kung sinasayang ko lang ba ito kahit na para sa sarili ko naman. and sana, sana hindi na ako takot mag waldas na walang inaalala pang iba kundi ang sarili ko lang. gusto ko ring maging selfish eh with money haha, pero selfish ba talaga ako kung ang iniisip ko lang din naman ay ang sariling kapakanan ko?
money can provide us many choices and options on how we will spend it, not just on the labels and values of things that we ought to buy and attain—but also in order on how we will spend it wisely in order survive and to live with it.
As much as you give to those you love, give to yourself too okay ❤️✨️
Hello! As an eldest child I relate to this! You might want to read my piece about it, I think you can relate also. And I just want you to know that sometimes it's okay to put yourself first.
https://substack.com/@myunsaidthoughtssss/p-207885979